"The reason you are not experiencing freedom is because you still got the stuff." - God
God asked me did I really want to be free? I was thinking, what kind of question is that, of course I want to be free. It had been three years and this boy still had a death grip on my soul. I dated new people but I still thought about him. I compared every new guy to him. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was in so much regret. How could I be so stupid? How could I let him play me? How did I let him get away? I grieved our relationship. I pondered how I could have done things differently, maybe then he would have stayed...but he didn't give me a chance. I mourned the relationship as if mourning the lost of a loved one except the only thing that went into the ground was the relationship and not the person. I mourned myself because I gave my entire identity to this guy and I no longer knew who I was.
After a year had passed, nothing changed. Two years later, the feelings had subsided but he was still in my soul. He had made a home within my soul and waved at me from time to time just to remind me that he was still there. In my emotions. In my feelings. In my actions. In my will. I tried everything to get over him especially after realizing it was really over. I blocked him on social media. I took a step back from his family. I dated other people. I self pleasured. They say time heals all wounds but I no longer believe that. Time masks it because after a certain amount of time everybody expects you to be good and over it and you play the part, faking it until it becomes real.
It's after a doctor stitches you back together after surgery or some bodily reconstruction, then can time heal. It's after the work on you that we enter a time of recovery. We cannot expect for time to heal us with no invasive work. Breaking a bone and leaving it to time to heal it without professional interference will only cause the bone to heal wrong, leaving you in a worst condition then when you started.
Time didn't heal the deep pain I felt inside of self blaming and grieving how things could have been different. But I desperately wanted to be free. I wanted the dreams to stop. I wanted the thoughts to stop. I wanted the pain to stop. And God did what he usually does, in a moment of me being still and not even thinking about the situation he asked, "Daughter, do you really want to be free?" I said, "Yes Lord, what do I have to do".
He said get rid of everything. Surprisingly, I knew exactly what that meant. I still had gifts given to me by the young man that I was still holding onto subconsciously and every time without thinking about it, I would walk pass something, my emotions were triggered. I started cleaning. I threw away gifts, the teddy bears, the shoes, the clothes, everything that was given to me by him. Wooooooo I thought I was done. It is just like God to aid us and give us strength to whatever he calls us to do. As you begin to move, he will direct you. He then said, throw away the lingerie you bought and wore for him.
I had this leopard lingerie set, with black lace trimming, open back and one strap. It was neatly folded in the back of my drawer tucked away. First of all, why did I still have it? It was there I guess in hopes that he would return...
Next, God said, throw away sexy bra and panties you bought for him but yet still wear like normal underwear. God was coming for everything that held memory in my heart concerning him. I could say they were just underwear but these things help sentimental value and when I would wear it I remembered everything about them with him. They were tied to him and they whispered to me from the drawers. I had this deep impression, you sure can't wear these for the husband you are praying for after you wore them for someone else. TOSS IT.
I had sex toys that I would use while I thought of him. What?? The Christian? Yes. God said toss it.
God told me to get rid of everything that linked and tied me to him. All these things tie you to a person, they literally feed the soul tie deep within your heart and you wonder why it's still living and breathing. You wonder why you can't be free. It's time for a house cleaning. Let those things go, no matter how much sentimental value they hold, they are keeping you in bondage. Your natural cleaning is prophetic symbolism of what is going on in your heart. Allow God to do the deep cleaning in your heart, if you really want to be free.
Free4Vday, it is the best gift you can give yourself. Your healing is the best thing that you can do for you, for your future spouse and for your future children.
Get rid of pictures, facebook pictures, the car, the house, furniture, pots & pans get rid of all of it!! The first step to your freedom starts with you. Clean your house, make room for what God has for you.
A girl over her ex,
Te’Aire Griffin, Founder/Visionary Restore Mon Amour
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