The first one is never "the One", the speaker at the women's conference said to all the ladies in attendance. "Ishmael proceeded Isaac, the counterfeit came before the promise". First of all, who gave her the right to discredit if someone is the one. Is she not single herself? In that moment, I settled within myself that she did not know what she was talking about. I sat in my seat offended and ready for the defense to fight for mine.
I was invited to a women's conference tea not to be told about what I had going in my life (the irony, everyone that goes to church don't want change). I came to support a friend so my heart was closed off to anything else, especially invasion into my private life. My heart was sealed and the room for relationships had a sign that read GOD DO NOT ENTER!
See whenever God steps into a room, he is ready to change things. However, our heart is so set on what we want, what we desire, what we believe and what we need that we leave no room for God's purpose. No room for God to come in and fill and no room for God to come in and rearrange somethings, throw things out, you know the normal process of someone coming in and making a house a home. God coming into our relationship life presents a crippling fear because what we wanted may not be possible.
Deep down although we may not know God as deep as we should or we may not know him as father, we inherently know what is best for us, it's called common sense although common sense is not so common; God placed that within us. Even though you may not have had that talk with God, you know what you would want for your children or what a good father would want for his daughter and you know that what you have before you, IS NOT IT. Sitting in that seat, as hot as I was, as that woman preached, I knew deep down inside I was falling for a Ishmael when I had been praying all my life for the Isaac.
I don't know about you but I heard that little voice in the back of my head, saying I have better, there is more to life than this, do not settle. We hear these things yet we ignore them. We see red flags yet we ignore them. Why? Because there is a fear that if I allow God to touch my relationship it may end and our response is: I put too much time into this, we have history or my personal favorite he may not love me and lead me the way I want but he has potential. We stay with Ishmael because of fear and he meets a present need. What if this is as good as it gets, the ignorance (no knowledge of) the unknown of will I find better and seeing potential over purpose.
As I look back over my life, the minister that day was so right. The first one rarely (for those who are technical) it. You will go through many frogs until you get to your prince because in the process of life you are discovering you constantly. With each new season of life you are evolving. If you are in your late twenties, you do not think the same as when you were late teens. What if God allowed you to marry your high school sweetheart, would you have been happy? Can we thank God for the closed doors!
It is coming up on the weekend of love and I do not want you to go back to your ex for just one night. I do not want you to stay with Ishmael because he fills the void of being lonely. I don't want you to have someone that you can talk to and text while you wait. I want this to be your best Valentine's weekend yet so when you get to Monday, instead of feeling miserable you actually have joy because you decided to put you first. Allow God into that room. Do not be afraid of what the results will be because God can be trusted. If he kills it, moves it or replaces it, that means it was not apart of your destiny. You don't want better, you want BEST.
This Valentine's Day I will be spending it with my gal friends, we are doing Galentine's, the Photograph, dinner and slumber party. I will also be investing in myself and business. Let the good times roll. We are not waiting for a man to finally live, we are living now!
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to see if you are dating an Ishmael and if you are, do what many are afraid to do, drop that Ishmael and position yourself for Isaac but start with YOU FIRST:
1. Are you trying to make this relationship work yourself?
2. Are you impatient and you prayed and a guy showed up?
3. Are the desires you have for a spouse in line with the word or solely what you want?
4. What did you have to do to get him? Did God bring you together or did you orchestrate it all?
5. Is he the promise, the long awaited and it screams nobody but God?
Let me encourage you, the enemy will give you just enough in a spouse to be comfortable. Ishmael makes you comfortable. With Ishmael you can remain how you are, he does not require you to grow nor does he require to trust God. Dating Ishmael makes you your own God because only you get praise for your union if you aren't otherwise completely miserable. If you put the whole relationship together yourself, it is not God joining you and everything will be able to tear you apart. In being comfortable with Ishmael, you will not fulfill everything that God has called you and your spouse to fulfill in the earth; what a tragedy. Dating to Married is more than pictures and cute kids, it's an assignment. You will never be fulfilled and you will find yourself constantly chasing something you feel like you missed.
Wait on Isaac and get absolutely everything your heart desires and all that God planned before you lived one day. I can stand in faith being single for over 5 years and say, I have never seen the righteous forsaken. I believe everything will be worth the wait.
Your Sister in the faith
Te’Aire Griffin, Founder/Visionary Restore Mon Amour
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