Blogmas 10 | Are you the reason why you are not married or dating?


Well I use to think so. It is God’s good pleasure to bless his children, to give us what we need and our heart desires. The bible states in Psalm 84:11b, “no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless”. The bible also says in James 1:17, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change”. Another scripture that backs up God’s generosity to us is Psalm 37:4, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart”. So why has it not happened for you yet? Why has it not happened for me? I have been single since 2012, where are the zaddies?

I believe relationships are from God and godly relationships help to bring forth the plan of God for our lives. I believe relationships are the cherry on top, whoever God has for you will compliment your life, ministry, purpose and your life assignment. But that brings us to the question again, why has it not happened yet? I have come to learn that most times we are waiting on God but the truth of the matter is he is waiting on us.

Does this lesson apply here? Is God waiting on you? Is God waiting on you to be better? To love better? To do everything right? To do everything perfectly? To be abstinent and pure for a certain amount of time? For you to walk in your own purpose? To dot your I’s and cross your t’s? What does God want from us?

Listen, we cannot earn a relationship from God. God does not give us a relationship because we have been good nor does he hold the relationship back when we make mistakes. Nothing in the kingdom of God works that way. There is no room to perform. A relationship from God that leads to dating and eventually marriage is determined by the timing of God. God does want us to be wives to him before we can be a wife in a natural relationship. God wants to ensure that we will not make his gift an idol where we love the gift more than the giver.

I pray that you will come out of condemnation and casting down imaginations that tell you, you are the reason why it has not happened yet. We as singles are not enjoying our season of singleness to the fullest. We have come to believe that we will be much happier after the relationship, then we will be much happier after the ring, then we will be much happier after the wedding, then after the children, then after the house, then then then. As you can see, no matter how much more we get, we will never be satisfied with just that. We have to learn to make each season the best time of our lives. It is the best time now because I am present in it now.

Lesson Learned in 2019

I believe this to be a true, marriage or relationship may not have happened yet because it simply may not be our season. If you know the season you are in, you will be able to discern distractions and stay focused to maximize this time of oneness. I attended a Young Adult night that was focused on relationships and Pastor Rodney Carter Jr. and his beautiful new bride Cherese were panelist and Pastor Rodney shared this:

  1. Wrong person, wrong season = counterfeit

  2. Right person, wrong season = distraction

  3. Right person, right season = God sent

He also shared, don’t allow the WAIT on God to be a WEIGHT on you. WHEW!!

This definitely has stuck with me for the last two months. Since being in Maryland, I have found myself having a crush on a particular young man. When I saw him and followed him on social media, he seems to be the husbae type. I kept my crush to myself well at least tried but he does not know, thank God lol. However, I prayed into this crush because I have decided that I do not want to do anything outside or against the will of God. Been there, done that, got a shirt for it. Long story short, the young man did not show any interest. And I knew for a fact that I was not going to say or do anything because if this was God he would make it happen himself. I began to ponder on this crush and I asked God, is this from you or is this from the enemy? I also began to think about all I had going for myself in this season of my life and all that God told me to prepare myself for in 2020. God began to reveal to me that this was my year of building my ministry and business. And as you probably guessed, that wisdom shared by Pastor Rodney came to the forefront of my heart. Right person, wrong time equals a distraction. Literally in that moment, my eyes were opened. He could be the right person but right now is the wrong time so all it would do is distract me.

I appreciate God for allowing me to go through deductive reasoning. Once I deduced that all a relationship would be to me right now is a distraction I now had the proper language and tools to keep myself in position. With this being a distraction, I understand this was not the time to pursue or be pursued. Distractions are set in place to keep us from the goal. You may not be in a season of delay but more like a season of positioning or preparation. God knows everything about us and he outlined our entire life because he knew what we would do at every point. I encourage you and myself to stop worrying about did we miss our time but more so will we be ready when it comes. How are you preparing? This season is an active one. We should be so focused on our growth, purity and serving God that we don’t have time to wait on a relationship because we are too busy waiting (serving) on God. Know your season so you won’t be expecting things to happen in a season it was not intended to produce. God knows all and sees all, ask him to move you out the way so we can focus on what is most important right now and it’s not a natural relationship but building a stronger one with our daddy God.

A single girl loving her life,

Te’Aire Griffin, Founder/Visionary Restore Mon

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