I literally give up! Seriously, what is really going on? I do not understand this. I am beyond confused. I have no idea how this is supposed to work. I just want to run and hide, in a safe place and not come out until the coast is clear. Hide me God, cover me in you so I am not seen by them. You may be wondering, what in the world is going on with Te'Aire...
Well, I started talking to this guy. He was really amazing, tall, brown and handsome. But that was not the best part...He really loved the Jesus I loved, like forreal. Not just with words but with his life and actions. For the first time in a long time, this actually felt like it could possibly potentially be "it". Not only did he love Jesus but he made me feel like a girl. In other words, I didn't have to step out my role as a woman to be anything else besides who God had called me to be, a woman. He was taking the lead, there was a lot of flirting but he made his interest known and he was pursuing accordingly. He had no idea what was on my list of desires for a godly spouse but he had some kind of insight. I should have named him Santa Claus because I knew for sure he was looking over my list and checking it twice. I's dotted and T's crossed.
Everything was going good...so I thought until Holy Spirit said, one of your greatest challenges will be with your denominations. And, something about women and ministry. I was confused. So here it is, the young man was COGIC (Church of God in Christ) and I am non-denominational. But I said ok Holy Spirit, I will keep an open mind about this. I still was not sure what to expect but I prayed it would just work out. So one night, we planned to have our first "real conversation" because I had some questions for this young man.
So the night of our call, he said, I can't wait to hear your voice. OMG so dreamy and you know I was blushing so hard. Cheeks so red and rosy and a smile from California to Maryland. Koolaid smile but inside I am telling myself Keep Calm! So he calls and it begins. I asked him about his denominational beliefs. OMG every butterfly I had literally evaporated, like they all vanished. You know how animals know when a storm is coming and they run for cover or winter is approaching and the birds head south or how bears prepare for hibernation, they go ghost. Well my butterflies and smile, went ghost. Poof!
Now, I am not one to go speechless and I am never at a lost of words but this night, I'm like I disagree but yeah..............I was literally stuck because this is not at all what I wanted. Why God? Why did you even let him see me? I could have been spared from this, seriously!!! That night, we got off the phone and I just laid in bed. I turned the tv on but I didn't feel like watching anything so I powered the tv off and I just laid there and I said God, I give up. I wasn't even looking for him, he found me, started a flame and I had to put it out because that was definitely not the vision you gave to me for my future or my future marriage.
So as I opened, those were my thoughts the next day. I was seriously down. Not because of the guy but because yet again back to being single and no prospects. I am tired of being located and then nothing happens. It is disheartening. I rather be kept in hiding until the perfect time so I don't have to keep going through these cycles, like seriously God you can have that. So I just asked him to hide me, put me away safe. I don't want to be seen by men who are just looking but we both know will go nowhere. Some enjoy dating, I do not! I don't get deep fast if that's what you are thinking, I just don't like the process of meeting and stopping, you are cool but no thank you, meeting again and stopping, this is not what I expected, meeting and nothing, yeah I am good!
I called my big sister because I needed some prayer intervention. She advised me, that where I was, was the best place to be, hid in God; where your husband would have to seek and find you. To have to seek for something, means it is not on the surface or visibly seen, it has to be sought after, it will take going deep to find things that are valuable. I responded and said well yes, that is what I want. As I talked to her big whopping tears rolled down my face. I literally do not want to date, I am over it, I exclaimed. She said she was in that same place 24hrs before she met her husband. 24hrs prior she said, Jesus you are my husband, I just want you and boom, NEXT DAY BAE (is God shipping them out like that? Next day delivery lol) She prayed over me and we hung up and I said God I am over dating, hide me in you. I surrender to your way. Jesus you are my husband and all I want is you. I just want to be kept safe under your wings where you've promised to hide me. You are my hiding place because in you, I am safe.
I challenge you, if you felt like me, to make God your hiding place. His name is a strong tower and the righteous can run therein and be safe. I am not scared of not meeting my husband because either way to get to me, he has to go through my daddy. And if he is having trouble locating me, that is when he asks God for help through prayer and fasting, not by giving myself up because he is taking to long, you understand, right? I want to be found in God, just like Jesus was found doing the will of his father and Ruth was found working in purpose. I am getting refocused on my purpose and I am not coming out of hiding. I told God bury me good, I don't want to be exposed because no treasure of great value is easily accessible. The next one will have to find me and dig deep. I am tired of wasting time and ending up at dead ends.
One thing that really brightens my day is in knowing that when I wait upon God he renews my strength and.....those tears I cried, God collected them and keeps them safe. Our tears are so precious to him and no tear goes to waste. They water the prayers and the seeds we have sown. I am comforted knowing I am in my comforter, where the "bad guys", the counterfeits and the not its, can't reach me! Safe at last <3
Dear Future Husband, meet me in his presence!
Hidden in Christ,
Te’Aire Griffin, Founder/Visionary Restore Mon Amour
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