Once upon a time, I was a young girl like many who are on a treasure hunt for that thing called love. We looked for it high, we looked for it low, we looked for it in other people's relationships, and worst of all we looked for it in all the wrong guys in all the wrong places and came up empty.
Love, that thing, that most spend a life time looking for or give up on when it seems unattainable. I was the type of young lady that wanted love but I only wanted it packaged per my instructions. He had to look a certain way, be a certain height, complexion and level of perfection. I had many guys approach me however I only wanted the boys who made my heart stop and underwear drop. I didn’t want the good guy who would call me first to tell me about his bad day or the one who opened doors. You know the story; every good girl wants a bad boy. I wanted the boys who didn’t answer the phone all day but at nightfall tell me how much he missed me, the boys who were hood at heart but professional, the boys who were inconsistent, you know the one who was the total package but empty inside. (Don’t look at me like I was the only one) He was full of empty promises, empty conversations, and an empty future. All in all, I wanted the guys who didn’t want to wife me but enjoyed the benefits of free delivery.
Subconsciously, I wanted the boys who made me feel wanted while not being there. I longed for the guys that kept me in my place of familiarity. The men who were called to protect me, left me without a clear future, didn’t return my calls, never showed up for me but always had a “good” excuse that became acceptable after I became numb to the pain. This became my comfort because it was all I knew.
Now I’m 25 years old and no longer am I on the quest for love but I have become the object of love’s affection. I want a good man but I still struggle with myself. I struggle with receiving love from the men in the special wrapping, he's kept at arms length. I know I deserve the best; I deserve a man who will be consistent, who will show up for me, who will support me, who will call me to tell me about his day, open doors, tell me corny jokes and continuously tell me how much I mean to him. I deserve the man who will abstain with me until our wedding day. I deserve the man that wants to plan his future with me and only me. I deserve the man God kept for me; I deserve the man that is the total package even if he doesn't come in the package of my choosing. I want it but I question how I receive this love that is different from what I’ve had before.
Then God told me, “Let me love you, I’ll show you what true love is”. He told me I was lovable and my past heartaches from men was not a reflection of what he has planned for me. In order to receive the God kind of love, I had to learn the ways of God's love. This is no easy story to tell but I know many women have been here before. The reason we are here is because of the brokenness of our past, that we hold dear to protect ourselves. The only way to be rebuilt and protected is to draw closer to God and allow him to do the healing, break the high walls down and remove the unhealthy blockades. He has an exceptional spouse for you, one beyond your capacity to fathom however until we learn to allow God to love on us; he/she will remain at a distance because God will not bless you beyond your capacity to contain because you will ruin it, if not ready. In this process God has to refocus our vision so we can see properly now that the blinders are off.
I have now learned how to wait on God as he builds my capacity to hold what he brings me. I am allowing his desires to become my desires as he shapes and molds my character and diminishes my sinful nature. I have learned what I wanted in men prior came from sin and what I need, comes from God. I have become God’s pupil and everyday in the school of life he fills me to overflow with his love. I have learned to stop running from the men who come wrapped differently and examine from my spirit rather than my flesh. I now know I am deserving of good love and I choose to be open to it today.
L.O.V.E LIFE <3
Te’Aire Griffin, Founder/Visionary Restore Mon Amour
P.S. Don’t forget to like Restore Mon Amour on Facebook
P.S.S Also join our Women's Group on Facebook Today