I WANT YOUR ATTENTION AND I WANT IT NOW!! I WANT A RELATIONSHIP AND I WANT IT NOW!! I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME AND I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME NOW!!
I wasn’t concerned about things such as money, cars, and houses; I wanted the person of the man. I wanted his time, attention and companionship. I demanded these things from men and if I didn’t get it, I would become manipulative and a brat. Here I was again trying to rush yet another relationship. I started to handle God like I handled men. I was finally at the place where I wanted God for real and I felt stuck. I was never one for processes. I cried out to God for him to give me more of him and nothing happened. I expected God to do all the work and when he didn’t, I got frustrated and I thought this God thing is too much work; this should be easy or easier than this.
I acted as if, God was like the men who didn’t want me but that was not true. God wanted me to do my part. We were not close because of me; I wasn’t spending the necessary time. I wasn’t praying as I should nor reading his word. How can you expect a relationship with someone you don’t spend time with or take the time to get to know?
But I have learned anything you don’t work on, will fail. I wanted a microwave love, something quick but I also wanted it to last forever...IRONIC. I didn’t understand even in a relationship with God, it was important to cherish every moment. It was important to cultivate this relationship and work at it. However, a microwave love was all I knew. I never had good soul food love that marinated and cooked for hours. Every relationship I found myself in was rushed and it was due to the insecurities developed in me at a young age.
But God and I had been here before and if I didn’t get what I wanted, I would turn my back on him and go do my own thing. Why wouldn’t he just give me all of him, it was not as if I was asking for something bad or impossible.
Then, God told me, “If I give you all of me in one moment, you couldn’t handle it nor could you appreciate it.” It is important to take your time and be patient because with any relationship, when you get everything you want all in one, what’s left? I would have been so overwhelmed because he is infinite. I had to learn this relationship with God required time and effort just like any other relationship, if not more. If I wanted our relationship to grow without abnormalities, I had to feed it the right things and nurture it. After I took the time to explore a deeper relationship with Christ I started to learn myself. I learned I was dealing with a lot of distractions and there was a lack of discipline in my life and these two things were keeping me away from God. Whatever you feed grows. This relationship grows based on the time we spend on it. Satan doesn’t want us to have a relationship with God that’s why we experience so many distractions. Therefore, chase God with everything that is in you and develop a relationship with him and watch as he gives you a life more abundantly.
If you seek me earnestly with all of your heart, I will be found by you ~ Jeremiah 29:13
Te’Aire Griffin, Founder/Visionary Restore Mon Amour
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